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The April Fool’s letters: The good, the bad and the ugly

Editor’s Note: - By now, most long-time readers of VeloNews and realize that our favorite – albeit not legally recognized – holiday is April Fools’ Day. Many of us here have long enjoyed the once-a-year opportunity to set aside our normal duty of checking sources, facts and the veracity of quotes and just make the stuff up.

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Editor’s Note: – By now, most long-time readers of VeloNews and realize that our favorite – albeit not legally recognized – holiday is April Fools’ Day. Many of us here have long enjoyed the once-a-year opportunity to set aside our normal duty of checking sources, facts and the veracity of quotes and just make the stuff up.

From the looks of the hundreds of emails we received Tuesday, it appears that many of you took our April Fool’s stories on face value, others enjoyed the effort, while some thought that we should leave comedy writing to the professionals. Well, good, bad or indifferent, we offer the following highlights from our mail folder.

While we normally require writers to include their full name and home town in emails, we have concluded that discretion demands that we dispense with that rule on this occasion only.

The Carpenter-Phinney “champions’ factory

– I assume this is an April Fools story.

– I’ve never written a letter in response to anything before but this topic is just too bizarre to let pass. I’ve always thought of the Phinneys as grounded people with some exceptional talents, but this is outrageous. This is flat out arrogant on their part. There is so much more than “athletic genes” that go into raising a child, what kind of people would offer up a part of their biology and, more over, what kind of people would shell out $250,000-$1,000,000 for their “junk”!

– Absolutely hysterical! How many people have been “outraged!” so far? Great April Fools piece……..right?

– Kudos to Davis and Connie for agreeing to allow you to smudge their dignity in this all too outrageously believable April Fool’s report!

– This is absolutely disgusting. I feel for these children who will likely be pressured to fulfill the athletic dreams of their parents. My admiration for these two exceptional athletes is now tarnished.

– I want to preface this by saying I am by no means a conservative person who wishes to end genetic research and study. I am all for the use of genetics in order to cure diseases and possibly help some people, but when reading the article, ¨Carpenter and Phinney start a new venture,¨ I couldn´t help but get a bit sick to my stomach. Is this really happening?

– If this is an April Fool’s prank, you folks have now slipped to the lowest form.

– Ha, Ha April Fools. Do you remember the couple that wanted to pay that swimmer from Stanford a couple million for an egg? Truth is always stranger than fiction.

– Notwithstanding the myriad ethical issues about attempting genetic engineering to have champion children (and what if the produced offspring does not have a superior gene profile? Then what?), how is an article about some myopic, self-congratulatory business plan that deals in the trade of human life appropriate for a website about bike racing?

The OBRA ban

– It is incredible that an American event would not allow Americans to race. Tying themselves to ASO is blind stupidity. I can see the French not wanting the best team in the world to compete, but OBRA should have more common sense.

– Thanks for the coverage of this insane comment by what used to be a respected organization’s executive director. Here is my comments to another pompous promoter about this VeloNews story.

To T. Kenji Sugahara:
Are you a circus clown like Ball from Rock Racing or are you just plain an idiot? So you want to be “……. on par with the greatest race organizers in the world”. What, like those chicken shit French at the AMO who have done more to ruin cycling and still line their pockets with the big money? Hell, why don’t you see if you can get the clean and pearly white OJ to be your spokesman while you are at it?

All you pompous promoters looking out for your cut of the pie are ruining the sport and you will drive many supporters away. This indeed is a sorry day for cycling in the U.S.

– Well, just when I thought pro cycling it couldn’t get any more ridiculous, I come across these two items. First, Michael Ball wants to buy two seconds and has hired OJ as a spokesman. Any credibility Ball may have had in cycling has been thrown out the window with this relationship.

And then OBRA has decided to exclude Astana; are you kidding me? This just further confirms for me that pro cycling is not a sport for athletes to compete in, but a game board for race organizers to display their childish antics.

Such a shame that so many skilled and hard working athletes will never get the chance they deserve.

– Evidently OBRA must think that it’s a high level race organization. Obviously they let the altitude go to their heads and now they have reached the point of comedy. You have got to be kidding me!!!!!!!!!
The redesign

– Actually, I really prefer the new set-up and think you should leave it. People are slow to react to change and will come around.

– C’mon guys, can’t you come up with a better April Fool’s prank than that?

– Not sure if this is an April’s Fool’s joke or not, but I actually prefer the new website. As it appears that I am in the minority on this, I will continue to read regardless. However, I hope that you still keep the Mobile application as is for accessing the site via smartphones.

– So I am not alone! Yes, the “new” site format is not an improvement in my opinion. Thank goodness someone got to you first, and I thought it was just me!

– This site is by far better than the old site. The readers are stunted! It is sad to see that VeloNews won’t try to elevate their them.

– By the way, old floppies were 5 1/4″, not 5 1/2″. If you really go back a ways, there used to be 8″ floppies and Winchester hard drives with removable disk packs that looked like Tupperware cake containers.)

– It’s about time you put that Irishman in charge! And while you’re at it, make him move out of (Colorado Springs) and up to your Republic, too!

– This is an April Fool’s joke right? If not those whiners should be left alone in the dark ages. I thoroughly enjoy the current design much better than the old.

– Thanks for the chuckles…they’re as outlandish as I’d hoped this AM. I especially love the picture painted of O’Grady giving that interview on his lawn…very nice.

– That has to be the crappiest April Fools article I have ever seen from you guys. Your new website does bite the big one so I was disappointed when I realized the article was a joke. Please go back to the old site design and April Fools articles that actually make me laugh. I just wanted this one to be true.

Ball buys time

– You guys are the best. Glad VN still has a sense of humor. The best article was the one filed by Frankie Andreau about Ball and OJ. Loved it. O’Grady’s article also gets an honorable mention. Thanks for making me shoot coffee out my nose this morning!

– I wish to get in touch with Michael Ball, I have two seconds left on the microwave from this morning’s breakfast and he’s welcome to ’em.

– OJ says “That was Michael’s jersey. He already had a spot picked out on his office wall. We will do what it takes to get it back.”. Ummmm, somehow this statement sounds vaguely familiar. Naw, he wouldn’t really arrange another motel meeting would he?

Racing without radios

– Nice! Took me three paragraphs to wake up and check the calendar. I shall strive at all times to ride as though I hear Stefano Puch’s cogent direction in my ears. “Get on the bike and ride as fast as you can to the destination. Go, go, go, now, push it!” Brilliant, crystalline, lapidary, even. May I be as good at remembering such inspirational tactics.

– I will have to admit you had me going there for a minute with the race radio story. I did not notice the date until I had read the whole article. Well played.

– Now, this is the kind of race I’d love to see…if it were held on any other day (nudge, nudge).

– Today I began my early morning ritual as I always do, wasting the first 30 minutes at work reading VeloNews. I starting reading articles, and I have to admit that I did not realize it was April first until half way through my second article. The light bulb went off when I read “…his bib shorts pulled down in a most undignified manner, pedaling furiously to produce body heat…” I am not a huge coffee person; therefore, I had not had a quite woken up yet. That is my only excuse for the continued reading of bizarre articles without the revelation. Although, Initially I thought that the fired Webmaster probably put up these ridiculous articles as part of his graceful exit from the company.

Miscellaneous comments

– What is with the Tuesday News Briefs? Leave the tongue in cheek stuff to The Onion. Please.

– Well done.

– I’m having my morning coffee checking emails and wonder over to to check out what’s happening in the world of cycling. What the f*ck happened? Did The Onion buy VeloNews? You people have way too much time on your hands: Carpenter Phinney starting an Olympic sperm and egg clinic, Michael Ball buying two seconds and teaming up with OJ? Have you all gone mad? Get a life!

-I love April Fool’s day on your site! I’ve posted (and linked) parts of this article to some cycling friends … they aren’t sure whether it’s true or not! Keep up the work guys … you’re doin’ a hell of a job!

– I guess it wouldn’t be a good April fools without someone getting… well… fooled. I feel like an idiot, just save me the embarrassment and refrain from publishing my letter ha ha.

– Great article. I look forward to next year’s April 1st delivery. They just keep getting better.