Peter Sagan announced that he and his wife Katarina are expecting a child, and as you’d expect, the cycling world went crazy. His Wednesday Instagram post shared the news in Sagan’s typical lighthearted fashion. Cycling’s two-time reigning world champion didn’t break the Internet quite like Beyoncé when she announced her pregnancy on Instagram in February (11 million likes to Sagan’s 75,000). Still, it is big news for cycling fans.
Of course, lots of pro cyclists have children, and they rarely miss a beat in training and racing. We should expect the same from Bora-Hansgrohe’s Sagan. But surely there will be some ways that fatherhood could change Sagan. Here are a few (not so serious) possibilities.
New victory salutes
Unless he’s jostling other riders in a lunge to the line, Sagan loves to celebrate victories in creative ways. He did the running man at stage 3 of the 2012 Tour. He wheelied across the line in Gent-Wevelgem 2013, and at Tour de Suisse he did a hula dance this year.
A number of cyclists with newborns have celebrated their new children with victory salutes. They pantomime rocking the baby. Some even stuff a pacifier in a jersey pocket and whip it out at the end of a hard-fought victory. Sagan, of course, needs to take child-centric post-ups to the next level. Here are three suggestions:
– Pantomime changing a diaper (bonus points if he stuffs a diaper in his pocket — clean, of course).
– Cruise across the line, pretending to burp a baby, shushing the crowd.
– If he’s way off the front, he could drop back to the team car for a Babybjorn, emblazoned with sponsor logos (of course) to put on for the finish.
Dad jokes in post-race interviews
Sagan is already known for his candor in post-race interviews. He even went so far to talk about his bodily functions on Sporza — changing diapers should be no problem.
Once he’s a dad, his interviews might change a little. Instead of Yogi Berra-like quips, such as “Race is race,” we could start hearing some dad jokes. That’s right, those groan-worthy puns that have embarrassed kids (especially teenagers) for eons. How about these jokes, Peter?
– That last kilometer was KILL-ometering me!
– Three Days of De Panne? More like three days of da pain, amirite?
– I forgot chamois crème today and boy was my bottom bracket squeaky!
Product endorsement opportunities
By now most cycling fans know Sagan is a master at marketing both himself and his sponsors’ products. Remember his epic movie montage? It was all to promote Sunroot, a Slovakian nutrition company. Recently, he teased a new Specialized Diverge by simply doing donuts in a parking lot with the bike on his car’s roof. There is a lot of money to be made with products for new parents. Surely Sagan will find a way to cash in on the new kiddo.
– How about a Trail-a-Bike designed to handle the rigors of Paris-Roubaix. His sponsor Specialized could integrate that head tube suspension thingie into the kid’s bars. Don’t forget some tubular tires and a 53-tooth chainring!
– Sagan is a car enthusiast, but it’s doubtful his tricked-out muscle car will work with a baby’s car seat. Instead, it’s time for him to hop-up a vintage minivan. Remember those Dodge Voyagers with the fake wooden panels? Yeah, it’s got a Hemi — plus plenty of storage for bikes, a stroller, and diapers.
And, of course, we’ll all be looking forward to UCI junior world championships in 2033. That is, unless Sagan Jr. gets inspired by his parents’ “Grease” tribute and takes to musical theater instead of cycling.