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Best Strava ride names, Tour de France edition

We rank the best Strava ride names from the opening week of this year's Tour de France.

Do you post your Strava info on social media to brag about that 50-mile ride you did in record time? Guess what? The pros do too, except their Strava rides consist of Tour stages multiple times longer and faster than your braggadocious posts.

Just like us, pros tend to name their Strava files based on noteworthy occurrences, distances covered, or even on the pain they felt during the ride. For the first week of the Tour, we have compiled a list of the funniest, strangest, and most ouch-worthy Strava reports:

Stage 5 Tour de France Im soooo happy for Greg taking yellow and stage he deserves it so much great guy

– Marcus Burghardt (BMC)

https://www.strava.com/activities/632139305

Marcus Burghardt took to Strava to show his excitement and praise for BMC teammate Greg Van Avermaet after stage 5. Looks like someone is soooo happy for Greg to be in yellow and take the stage win and the maillot jaune. And in case you were wondering, Burghardt has confirmed that Van Avermaet is a great guy deserving of the win. Kudos to Burghardt for grabbing three KOM prizes on the stage.

TDF#5 – almost 1100 km in 5 days. Maybe that’s why I start to feel my little fat legs 

– Michael Valgren (Tinkoff)

https://www.strava.com/activities/632177589

Who knew pro cyclists ever felt fat? According to Tinkoff rider Michael Valgren, after 1100km of racing, his already “fat” legs have turned into little ones too. Our guess is that Valgren’s legs are neither fat nor little. After all, he completed the 12.6-mile Pas de Peyrol climb during Stage 5 while averaging 17.8 mph. Perhaps that’s why his mighty legs were feeling weak.

Warm day at Tour de France. The profile definitely looked easier than reality. Pretty much suffered all day. But we have the Polka Dot jersey with my Roomie.

– Greg Henderson (Lotto – Soudal)

https://www.strava.com/activities/632122109

Tour riders stay in hotels just like normal people, and they usually share their room with at least one other rider. In Greg Henderson’s (Lotto – Soudal) case, he rooms with Thomas De Gendt, who grabbed the polka-dot jersey after stage 5. We wonder if De Gendt has been sleeping in polka-dot pajamas. We’re still wondering how 216km with two category 2 climbs and 12,598 worth of uphill looked easy.

TDF stage 4 – mad final again

– Daryl Impey (Orica – BikeExchange)

https://www.strava.com/activities/630991881

Daryl Impey of Orica – BikeExchange says he’s mad, but is that the crazy or angry type of mad? Riding the longest stage of the Tour (237km) could make a rider feel either emotion. So would the finale, which saw Impey ride the final 4.9 miles at 30.6 mph. Implying that this emotion is reoccurring — mad “again” — perhaps Impey is so intense that he consistently loses it post-ride.

Mittagsradfahrt

– Paul Voss (Bora – Hansgrohe)

https://www.strava.com/activities/632188137

In German, the word Mittagsradfahrt roughly translates “Lunch ride.” For those of us who don’t speak German, the word, at first glance, seems like it would mean, “might as well fart.” You can’t blame Paul Voss for getting a little gassy after racing for nearly six hours. We just wonder what he had for lunch.

Stage 4 Tour de France longest day in distance but maybe not in time

– Marcus Burghardt (BMC)

https://www.strava.com/activities/630934841

Marcus Burghardt is back at it again with the wise words after stage 4. His Strava title sounds like something Yoda would say to a young Jedi. “Longest distance we have, but time maybe not.” Kudos to Burghardt for keeping the Tour interesting with this potential “Star Wars” quote. We just hope he’s recovered. After all, his total ride time was 6 hours, 17 minutes, and the average speed was 25.8mph. That’s a long day in the saddle indeed.