What does your bike say about you?
We did some research to get to the definitive truth.
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Whether you realize it or not, what bike you ride says a lot about you.
What are you telegraphing to the world with yours? We did some research to get to the definitive — with tongue firmly planted in cheek — truth.
Pinarello
People frequently mistake you for a dentist; you’re actually an orthodontist.
The only dogma you subscribe to is upgrading your bike every year.
Wearing Rapha at this very moment.
Ridley
A Belgian hard-man through and through. Waits until it starts raining to head out for a ride despite living in Southern California.
Rides highway rumble strips in desperate ploy to recreate cobblestones.
Moots
Masters rider who will rip the legs off of you on the flats. Immediately gets dropped at the mere suggestion of an incline.
Specialized
Knows all those world championships were because of the bike.
Would spend $10 on a gallon of milk if it said S-Works on it.
Colnago
Prefers the Giro d’Italia over the Tour de France.
You went out of your way to find a bike with Campagnolo because you have to have everything Italian. Your delusions of one day going pro are fueled by the espresso machine in your kitchen that costs as much as your bike.
Cinelli
You post approximately one Instagram story per mile ridden.
BMC
Actually the strongest person in the local group ride. Yes, you did mention your bike is Swiss.
Bianchi
You don’t care what color your bike comes in as long as it’s celeste.
Look
You still think your bike from 1997 is state of the art because it is made of carbon fiber.
You were once a contender in road racing but now stick to the track.
Cube
We’re not actually sure where you found one of these. You probably also imported a second-hand Canyon into the U.S. back in 2015.
Canyon
Favorite colors are black, silver, and slightly darker black — all others make a bike slower.
Currently working out how to buy everything else direct to consumer.
Cervélo
Favorite cycling quote is, “buy upgrades, don’t ride up grades.”
Cannondale
Knows bicycles reached their peak with alloy.
Giant
Loves a deal. Clips coupons in spare time.
Scott
Road cycling isn’t your main sport, but you’re inexplicably faster than all your dedicated roadie friends.