THIS WEEK IN PRO CYCLING
A Fred's-Eye View: The 2006 Collegiate Cycling Awards
In its second year at Lawrence, Kansas, the collegiate road race championships served up another weekend of unexpected winners, heartbroken losers and drama. And that was just at the Holiday Inn post-race banquet (pity anyone who ordered the steak dinner).
As was the case last year, I returned from Kansas with a tape recorder and camera filled with strange college-racing tidbits — stuff far too weird and extraneous to fit into my magazine feature, but ideal for the web. So I present to you the second annual Fred’s Eye View Collegiate Cycling Awards.
Stylie Guy Award
The nationals banquet usually produces a few outfits that fall on opposing sides of the "what not to wear" spectrum, from overdone prom dresses to Speedos.
The Whitman College men’s team rolled into the $20-a -plate shindig wearing matching blue sweaters, Lennon shades and red knit caps. One member said they were clad as elves, but in my eyes they were Zissou cadets, straight out of Wes Anderson’s "The Life Aquatic." The outfits were all good, but I decided to single out Whitman sophomore Sam Bell for the stylie-guy award based on his gratuitous use of huge Cipollini-esque Briko face-shield shades. Plus the dude has a huge patch to plug holes in his chamois. These are still good, man! You want me to throw ‘em out? How college is that?
Winner: Sam Bell
Brass You-Know-What Award
Colorado State’s Patrick McGlynn was part of the first five-man breakaway that rolled away on lap two of the three-lap men’s Division I road race. As the group made its way onto lap three, it was pretty obvious that half of the guys were dead weight. Rather than tow the freeloaders around for another lap, McGlynn played the solo card and dropped ‘em like a sack of hammers. He rode the final half-lap on a suicide solo mission, and to tell the truth I was cheering for the guy to succeed. Eventually he got caught and dropped by a group of six chasers. Still, deciding to go solo with 28 windy miles remaining takes big ‘uns.
Winner: Patrick McGlynn
Honest John Award
What’s on your mind when you win the biggest race of your career? If you’re Mark Hardman, winner of the D-I men’s road race, it’s the usual college stuff — beer and women. "My 25th birthday is in two days, so there’s gonna be a lot of drinking going on," Hardman said. I’ll save him from his quote about chasing girls.
Winner: Mark Hardman
Bogart Award
Hardman also showed his acting abilities in the road race, and played soft in the final group of five. "I did some acting, you know, skipping pulls and fading off the back," he said. The man deserves an Oscar — Hardman left his wide-eyed breakaway partners in disbelieve as he powered away at the finish.
Winner: Mark Hardman
Homemade Jerseys Aint’ Nuthin ta Mess With Award)
Last I checked, Method Man, Inspectah Deck and the rest of the Wu Tang Clan hadn’t licensed bike jerseys as official Wu-wear merchandise. Well, Brandon Gavic of the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee can always dream. Although I’m not sure his handiwork really brings any f-in’ ruckus.
Winner: Brandon Gavic
Pimp my Ride Award
Don’t get me wrong — the sweet ride of Lees-McRae College needs no pimping. The school brought the full brunt of its cycling bling to Lawrence, including the short bus and team cycling trailer. This is actually the new trailer — the old one bit the dust on the way to the 2005 nationals after it jackknifed into a ditch. An aero wheelset was the sole casualty. What? You forgot that the school won the national mountain-bike championships in 2001, 2004 and 2005 and the 2005 road team time trial? Obviously you haven’t seen the trailer.
Winner: Lees-McRae College
Thanks, Ladies, Award
Whitman College’s men’s team owes the women’s squad a whole lotta gratitude for doing the lion’s share of winning the DII national championship. That, and some chocolate, and roses, and chamois butter and….
Winner: Whitman College women’s team
Welcome to Cycling Award
MIT’s Martha Buckley said she still feels a little shaky riding in a pack, which is why the junior launched a suicidal attack in the women’s Division II race within a quarter mile of the start. Amazingly, she held it for an entire lap, before being caught and spit out. That’s pretty good, considering Buckley first got on a bike in October. "I have good fitness and poor skills, so I should work on my skills," Buckley said. I’m not going to argue with that.
Winner: Martha Buckley
Thomas Edison Award
I don’t know why the light bulb didn’t go on sooner for this one: Adam Duvendeck’s impossibly hip stereo cooler. It bumps TuPac at 200 decibels and holds enough suds to keep the party rollin’ all night. How did we life before such an invention? The Olympic track racer coaches UC-Santa Barbara’s cycling team and showed up in Lawrence toting his bass-thumping, beer-toting invention. Forget college, Adam. I say you head to NASA with your cooler in tow, a case of cold Schlitz and a résumé.
Winner: Adam Duvendeck
Tom and Jerry Award
Just as the women’s Division II road race was starting to heat up, the group ran into a serious roadblock — a score of emergency vehicles tending to victims from a huge crash in the women’s Division I race. It was less than 10 miles from the finish line, and 2005 race winner Mara Abbott was off the front, being trailed closely by Anna Milkowski (Yale) and Carol Hutton (DePauw University). Half an hour later, officials restarted the race, sending Abbott out first with a 15-second gap on her two chasers, and the cat-and-mouse game began. Abbott was a strong mouse, and managed to hold off the cats to the end.
Winner: Mara Abbott
I’ll Get You, My Pretty! Ruby Slippers Award
Jenna Farley of Dartmouth College showed up wearing a pair of ruby shoe covers that would make Dorothy proud. How Kansas is that?
Winner: Jenna Farley
Hometown Hero Award
Mark Smelser hails from just outside of Lawrence, and he won one for the home crowds in the men’s Division I crit. His teary-eyed mom was even there at the finish line.
Winner: Mark Smelser
